The film shall be called My Name is Joe, and I Am Canadian

I have decided to make more of an effort at updating my blog regularly. Partly because the last post was a lot of fun to write, but mostly because a cute girl told me I should update my blog regularly. (Sarah, the word cute is used here in the best and most not-objectifying-your-body sense there is).

What follows is a piece I wrote for a writing contest. The contest, run by the CBC, called for a short advertisement, tweet, or movie plot-line to be sent in for judging. I wrote a movie plot-line. As it was the CBC that was doing the judging, I put in as much Canadian awesomeness as I could. So far as I know, it hasn't won yet. I still think it's awesome.

Joseph is a man seemingly incapable of holding down a job for longer than a month. As the Olympics in Vancouver wind down, Joseph has been preparing for his imminent dismissal from the store that hired him (temporarily) to sell Olympic mittens. This preparation involves a surprising job offer as the personal (temporary) assistant of Kiefer Sutherland, who is soon to play a role in an upcoming science fiction film. Unfortunately, due to Mr. Sutherland’s role as Jack Bauer in the popular television series 24 and a misconception about the difference between television and reality, the luckless actor is kidnapped by a group of high profile gamblers who want him to infiltrate the Olympic committee and sabotage the gold medal hockey game between Canada and the USA. With nothing but a cell phone and a box of mittens, Joseph must work with Mr. Sutherland to prevent the Canadian hockey team from being undermined and bring the criminals to justice.

I wrote this the day before the game itself, with no idea of who the winners would be. The fact that Canada won makes the idea even more epic. Obviously, the goals against the Canadian side were the result of a rigged puck. It's in the script. Cameos will include Bob and Doug McKenzie and Joe from the Molson commercial. Someone will ask Colin Mochrie if he was in Ghostbusters; no one will ask Dan Aykroyd if he was in Ghostbusters. Dawn Cherry will be in it, but we may have to digitally remove his fashion sense.

I'm trying to think of something witty to finish off with, but words fail me.

I'll be back.